The Power of Positive Self Talk

"Positive self talk" is the process of choosing encouraging rather than defeating internal commentary.

If you’ve ever tried to be more aware of your internal dialogue, you’ve probably been surprised at how often that negative talk actually comes up.

And consciously changing those statements into positive ones can be a challenge. After all, most of us have spent a lifetime practicing our negative internal critique and haven’t taken the time, or learned how, to implement a more positive view on things!

Your thoughts determine your behaviors.

If you improve your ability to moderate your thoughts, then you take a giant step towards changing your actions and determining your attitude.

If you could use some help improving your positive self talk, check out my book "Affirming Meditations for Women." It's a great collection of uplifting and soothing meditations for today's busy woman that is designed to provide an ongoing dose of optimism and serenity. A great gift for you or someone you love!

If you’re able to turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts, your actions and mood are bound to reflect your more optimistic and upbeat beliefs.

And who wouldn’t benefit from feeling and acting happier?

Affirmations are a great way to get started. Send me a note if you’d like to get a list of great affirmations for beginners!

There are two main types of self talk. Both affect how you feel, but one type targets your self-esteem while the other type is directed at how your environment impacts you.

The first type of centers around your personal self-esteem including your self-image, how you value your worth, and your sense of personal power.

Many of us are most familiar with the negative side of this type of self talk. When things aren’t going the way you’d like, you may find yourself saying things like “I’m so stupid,” “I’m such a loser,” “I’m so ugly,” “I can’t do this.”

When you read those strong words, you may think to yourself “I don’t have low self-esteem, I don’t say those things to/about myself.” But you don’t have to fit a stereotype of someone with low self-esteem in order to make unkind and defeating statements to yourself.

In fact, I’m positive that even the most confident, put together person you can think of has a list of things she says to herself in her most frustrating moments that sound very familiar to what I wrote above. The problem is that these statements become so ingrained in our daily thought processes and our natural response to situations that, unless you’re really paying attention, these harsh words can slip by your censors.

I’m certainly not saying that you should never feel frustrated with yourself or unhappy with a choice you made. The problem is that too often we come down on ourselves like a hammer without offering an escape plan. We often use the harshest language and tone and don’t give ourselves an “out” to neutralize the negativity.

When you leave yourself with “I’m so stupid!” you allow a bit of that feeling to stay behind and be incorporated as a part of your personal belief system. And even if you’re a fairly confident person who feels good about herself, you know that you suffer when you treat yourself this way.

Using positive self talk is a valuable tool for building your self-esteem. Noticing negative statements and changing them into constructive ones is essential. Here are some examples of changes from negative self talk to positive self talk:

“I can’t do this.” –to—“I’m learning how to do this and I’ll get better at it.”

“I’m an idiot.” –to—“I made a mistake. I can see what happened and I know how to make a better choice next time.”

After reading these positive self talk statements, you might think they sound cheesy…and on this page, they do! But think about a real situation where you’ve angrily told yourself, “I can’t do this!” Maybe it’s happened when you’ve been struggling to master a new program at work. Or when you’re trying to stick to a diet. Hear yourself instead saying, “It’s OK. I’m learning how to do this and I’ll get better at it. It’s taking a while and it’s not easy, but I’ll figure it out eventually.”

How does it sound now?

No matter what you choose to say, remember that choosing kinder words, softening your tone, and offering yourself an “out” are simple ways to increase your positive self talk.

Self talk isn’t always about how you feel about yourself. The second type focuses on how you’re affected by external events. This type almost always describes your mood or energy level. For example, “This is so frustrating,” “They’re exhausting me,” This situation is really overwhelming” are all ways you might negatively think about a particular situation.

These statements may be entirely true and accurately reflect how you’re feeling. And acknowledging and validating negative feelings is essential to personal insight and awareness. The rub comes when these statements define your mood and diminish your ability to cope with challenges and move on with your day effectively.

If your children’s constant whining and bickering is driving you up the wall, you may say to yourself, “This is making me so irritated. I can’t keep dealing with this or I’ll lose my mind!” (I’m personally very familiar with this conversation!)

You may find though that if you choose to let that statement define your behavior and attitude then you become increasingly irritated and less likely to be patient, understanding, or calm. You’re much more likely to reach that breaking point. When that happens it’s like you relinquish your control over how your day is going to go and how you’re going to feel.

You still need to acknowledge and validate your feelings, but if you change your words, soften your tone, and give yourself an out, this negative emotion feels more manageable and temporary.

A new positive self talk statement could be, “This is making me so irritated! I don’t want this to ruin my day so I choose to take some deep breaths, smile, and approach the chaos with a different energy.”

This new statement gives you a chance to reframe your thoughts and talk yourself into a fresh perspective. Instead of getting more and more irritated, you can choose to try something else.

Training yourself to use more positive self talk is hard -— breaking old habits and establishing new patterns is rarely easy! But you know the value of treating yourself kindly and feeling more in control of your emotions and your actions.

And I bet that feels worth the challenge!

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