Personal Boundaries SettingHow have you been at personal boundaries setting? Do you still struggle with setting appropriate limits with others? A simple definition of personal boundaries is the limits you set for your physical, emotional, and social space. They are the place you're willing to meet people. Personal boundaries setting is like erecting a nice little picket fence around your yard. You don't want people wandering through your flowerbeds, peeking in your windows, or camping in your yard. But your fence isn't the Great Wall of China! It's not built to be rock solid and last for centuries. People don't feel threatened or shut out by it. Instead, people respect your privacy and straightforwardness. "I did my homework and it helped me get some much needed clarity. Thanks for being so patient and non-judgmental with me. I appreciate your feedback and suggestions. Anyway, thanks again for last night. You helped more than you know!" -- Kim Smith, Pearland, TX Sometimes people do put up brick walls around themselves, but those walls are more about past hurts than establishing personal boundaries. Most of us do have some walls, usually around our most sensitive and fragile parts, and that is OK. It is a sign of setting good boundaries to have parts of yourself that are only available to a select few. Your picket fences are protecting the more public and open parts of yourself and your life.
Your picket fence also has a nice little gate that you can, when necessary, open to let someone in. For example, it’s perfectly acceptable for your sister, who was just in an accident, to call you at midnight even if your official phone cut off time is 9:30 PM. You’d likely be shocked and hurt if she didn't call. Most of the time though, your gate is shut and locked and you are likely healthier and happier for it! Poor personal boundaries is often connected to low self esteem. My book 48 Self Esteem Activities for Women is a great resource for effective and practical self esteem building methods. And if the consequences of poor boundaries have ever stressed you out, my How to Deal With Stress Handbook is a great resource full of vivid and empowering affirmations. Are there some important relationships in your life that test your personal boundaries? Many mother daughter relationship problems are related to boundary issues. Not shocking, right? *smile* If you're part of a blended family you've probably noticed that personal boundary setting is challenging AND essential to harmonious relationships. Establishing personal boundaries takes time and practice. Here are some signs of unhealthy boundaries: Have poor boundaries led you to compassion fatigue or issues with workplace communication with your boss? Personal boundaries setting takes diligence and determination. Most of us need to work on it continually, as we often find ourselves in situations that test the strength of our fence.
If this is an issue for you, contact me for your free life coaching session to discuss how we can work together to strengthen your personal boundaries! Readers who enjoy this page also enjoy learning more about
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