Are You a Lonely Mom?

Research indicates that 10-15% of women suffer from postpartum disorders. But those numbers are based just on the women who actually report their symptoms. So it is safe to assume that a much higher percentage of the female population struggles with these sometimes debilitating conditions.

Women suffering from postpartum mood disorders - ranging from the "baby blues" to postpartum psychosis - often feel very isolated and ashamed of their feelings. But it is essential that new mothers acknowledge their feelings and seek out the postpartum care they need to get better. It is imperative to turn to your doctor for help if you are feeling persistent negative feelings. Health care professionals are very attuned to the hormonal changes women go through after delivery and can help you get the treatment you need.

If you have struggled with postpartum disorders, you may feel like a lonely mom but you are certainly not alone. However, even though postpartum disorders are getting increased media attention, many women are ashamed to admit their concerns. If you've ever experienced this, know that others have too, and that you can get better. Read Katherine Stone's postpartum story in Newsweek.

If you're struggling with postpartum mood issues, you don't have to be an isolated, lonely mom. Seek out this online support group for postpartum depression.

You may not feel like you have time to be lonely if you're a single parent. However, if you're working and parenting all by yourself, you are bound to feel isolated and on your own sometimes.

It's really challenging to try to have a social life or get acquainted with new people when you're a single parent. Heck, it's hard enough to come up with meal ideas every day! A good internet resource especially for single moms that covers topics including parenting, finances, and health is www.singlemom.com.

If you'd love to chat with other single moms, you can join a message board specifically for single moms. This might be a great alternative for meeting new people if you're strapped for time and/or energy.

Who do you turn to when you need help or just a listening ear? Who stands by you no matter what? It is really important for moms to have a strong support system, ideally of family, friends, and other moms. We need people to validate our feelings, support our child raising ideas, and encourage us through the challenges all moms face.

You need different types of support. Help with the household chores, a babysitter for occasional nights out, an understanding friend, a partner who takes care of you.

Have you noticed what happens when you feel unsupported? You may feel unappreciated, overwhelmed, trapped, taken for granted, resentful, angry, sad, and exhausted. As soon as you start to feel like others aren't seeing your needs and helping to meet them, these toxic feelings begin to build. And once you reach your breaking point, you've been running on empty for a while, which isn't good for you or for your family.

One of the keys to remember is that, no matter how much we may wish otherwise, our needs usually aren't obvious to other people. Women tend to base the strength of their connection with others on how well they can anticipate their needs. And the reverse is true as well. For example, when you are able to anticipate and validate your friend's feelings, you feel an incredible closeness and emotional intimacy with her.

But when you misread a friend or you don't even realize that she's troubled, you (and she) may feel a disconnect between the two of you. For women, anticipating and relating to the needs of others is an important part of the social dance.

This explains why it is easy for you to feel hurt and uncared for when your needs aren't being met. When you rely on other people to intuitively know what you need and then to fulfill those needs, you set yourself up for disappointment and self-pity.

The answer to this issue is to ask for what you need. It doesn't always feel comfortable admitting that you have needs or that you need someone else's help. If you find yourself always being the go-to person, it can feel downright impossible to turn the tables. But, especially if you are a lonely mom, you must get into the habit of stating your needs and then accepting the help when it comes.

Maybe you're a lonely mom because you feel like you're not getting enough support for doing what you feel is right for your family. You may have to defend herself and your child raising choices to your own mother, your friends, or your acquaintances. All moms struggle with uncertainty at various times so it is helpful to have trusted others who can help reaffirm your commitment to doing what you think is best.

How do you handle negative comments directed towards your parenting choices? It is a good idea to have some tactful comebacks ready for those situations.

"Thanks for your concern, but we're doing what is best for our family."

"My husband and I have found that this works out well for us."

"I can see that we have differing opinions, and that's OK."

"I'm doing the best that I can and I am comfortable with my choices."

Without being self-righteous or a doormat, you can usually escape uncomfortable situations with phrases like these while maintaining your dignity. There are plenty of moments as a mother when your dignity will go down the tubes, so cherish any opportunity you have to keep it!

If you're having a hard time finding like-minded parents, search online. You are likely to find a support groups and chat rooms filled with people who share your parenting choices. Just having other voices in your life that understand where you're coming from and who support your child raising decisions can be incredibly uplifting.

If you are a lonely mom, the answer lies outside of yourself. Reach out to others.

If you're a lonely mom because of your postpartum feelings, reach out to others.

If you're a lonely mom because you are a single mom, reach out to others.

If you're a lonely mom because your needs aren't being met, reach out to others.

If you're a lonely mom because others challenge your parenting choices, reach out to others.

If you would like an unbiased and nonjudgmental partner in your corner to help figure out what steps you would like to take, I would love to talk with you. Please contact me.