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The Three Main
Communication Styles
The three communication styles are Aggressive, Assertive, and Passive. Which one do you exhibit most often? Which one works the worst? Take a look at the descriptions and see which one best fits you.
Aggressive/Controlling
- I want to control what happens.
- It is going to be my way.
- I am not going to listen to you.
- If anything goes wrong it is your fault.
- I am not backing down.
- My voice is often loud and demanding.
- My body language is "in your face."
Someone who has an aggressive communication style makes others feels as though their feelings don't matter and that they aren't important. People who are aggressive tend to be feared, not respected. The nonverbal signs that accompany this communication style include narrowed eyes, loud voice, crossed arms, challenging tone of voice, pointing fingers, close physical proximity.
Assertive/Problem-solving
- I don't want to fight or hide; I want to solve the problem.
- I will tell you what I want.
- I will stand up for what I believe in.
- I am willing to change if I need to.
- I am willing to listen to you.
- My voice is strong and clear.
- My connect by looking you in the eye.
Someone who uses an assertive style is able to stand up for her rights while still respecting the rights of others. People who are assertive tend to have higher self esteem, self-confidence, and respect from others. The nonverbal signs that accompany this style include even tone of voice, relaxed posture, confident and direct manner.
Passive/Avoiding
- I will let you walk all over me.
- Whatever you say.
- It must be my fault.
- I complain about things, but I never seem to change.
- My voice is whiny, or fearful.
- My body language is backing away, little eye contact.
- If you get too aggressive, I will run away.
Someone who speaks passively tends to puts others' needs and desires before her own. Passive people tend to be disrespected by others, have lowered self-esteem, and feel taken advantage of. The nonverbal signs that accompany this style include meek body language, overly soft/whiny tone of voice, minimal eye contact.
Most of us use each of these styles in different parts of our lives. You may use a more aggressive style with customer service reps on the phone but use a more passive style with your spouse. Which of these communication styles best describes you most of the time?
How does your primary communication style impacts your relationships, your employment, your quality of life? Trying to become more assertive is challenging. After all, we've spent most of our lives practicing and perfecting the ways we choose to communicate. But increasing your assertiveness has immeasurable ripple effects that can not only help increase your own confidence but can also increase the respect and appreciation others show you. And isn't that an amazing result to strive for? Assertiveness is something I often work with clients on so if this is an area you'd like help in,
contact me now!
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