Communication in Relationships

Why is it that communication in relationships can be so challenging? Verbal and nonverbal miscommunication between people causes difficulties that strain even the best of relationships.

I think the primary reason for this is that we each have expectations of how others should behave, think, respond, and feel. These expectations are such a part of us that most of us don't even know they exist. But they do, and they can wreak havoc when they're not met!

Often, when your immediate expectations aren't met, you take it personally. You may feel like the other person was intentionally trying to disappoint you. And you may react in a way to protect yourself from further disappointment.

If your good friend, for example, didn't call after your big surgery, you would probably feel hurt, disappointed, and that your friend didn't care about you. The next time you do talk to her, you may be cold, distant, or angry - without explaining why.

But this reaction hurts your friend's feelings as she called as soon as she was able--she had actually been on a business trip and couldn't call until she returned home.

Communication in relationships is often so challenging and complicated because we have these expectations and because we care about our connection with other people. You are much less likely to get worked up over a miscommunication with a stranger than you are with a loved one, right? Although "road rage" is becoming an increasing problem, just imagine how much road rage there would be if we had personal relationships with everyone cutting us off!

While it's hard to totally eliminate our expectations, it is possible to at least slow down enough to think of alternative responses.

The four best ways to improve your communication in relationships are to: