The Role of
Body Language in Communication

Are you aware of how important body language in communication really is? Research has indicated that it sends up to 90% of your message, which may explain why effective communication can be so difficult!

Have you ever known someone who seemed clueless to reading your body language? The person who doesn't get that it's time for them to leave, even when you yawn, look at your watch, get up and go to the bathroom several times, and look completely bored and tired.

Or maybe you've known someone whose body language you had a hard time interpreting. Like the person who looks away or down, fidgets, and seems disinterested when you're talking. Then later on he references an obscure point you made in your conversation, clearly indicating that he was fully engaged in what you were saying!

Or how about the times that you purposefully used body language to send the opposite message of your words. For example, as a teenager, you may have said, "Yeah, I'm listening", then done everything possible with your body language to show that you weren't really listening (looked away, scowled, hummed along to music, thumbed through magazines) and that you didn't really care what the speaker was saying.

Our body language in communication is always sending a message, whether or not we are aware of what that message is or how it is being interpreted. The person whose nonverbal communication implies that he's not listening may in fact be astonished to hear that is how he is perceived. And the person anxious for her houseguest to leave is likely to end up feeling irritated that her "obvious" signs aren't noticed or interpreted correctly.

You can probably think of many examples of how body language in communication has impacted the verbal message you have given or received. If you grab the arm of an elderly woman to help her board the bus and she issues a terse and snippy "Thank you!" are you to assume that you were indeed being helpful or that you invaded her space?

When you're arguing with your spouse and you say, "I didn't say you were lazy!", you're defending yourself using the actual words you used, while your spouse likely interpreted your tone, emotion, and indirect meaning to come to his conclusion.

You can see how complicated and painful these misinterpretations can become. I remember when I was a kid riding the bus to school, some of my friends said that I seemed "stuck up" and "snotty" because I always rode in my seat with my nose in the air. You can imagine how hurtful this was to a shy girl who was just trying to see over the tall seat in front of her!

Assess the Functions of
Nonverbal Communication

If you'd like to get a good honest look at how you appear to other people, ask your close, dear, truthful friends to tell you. What did they think about you when they first met you? Is the function of your nonverbal communication as you think it is? How do they see other people respond to you?

Getting an honest evaluation from people you trust can be a very eye-opening experience that may lead you to more effective body language in communication!