The Role of
Body Language in Communication
Are you aware of how important body language in communication is? Research has indicated that it sends up to 90% of your message, which may explain why effective communication can be so difficult! Have you ever known someone who seemed unable to read your body language? Like the woman who doesn't get that it's time for her to leave, even when you yawn, look at your watch, get up and go to the bathroom several times, and look completely bored and tired.
Or maybe you've known someone whose body language you had a hard time interpreting. Like the guy who looks away or down, fidgets, and seems disinterested when you're talking. Then later on he references an obscure point you made in your conversation, clearly indicating that he was fully engaged in what you were saying! Or maybe you've even used body language to purposefully confuse or frustrate another person. For example, as a teenager, you may have said, "Yeah, I'm listening," then done everything possible with your body language to show that you weren't really listening (looked away, scowled, hummed along to music, thumbed through magazines). The message you were probably trying to send was that you weren't engaged and were disinterested in what the speaker was saying. If you're a parent of a teen you know exactly how exasperating this kind of behavior can be! Our body language in communication is always sending a message, whether or not we are aware of what that message is or how it is being interpreted. The person whose nonverbal communication implies that he's not listening may in fact be astonished to hear that is how he is perceived. And the person anxious for her houseguest to leave is likely to end up feeling irritated that her "obvious" signs aren't noticed or interpreted correctly.
You can probably think of many examples of how body language in communication has impacted the verbal message you have given or received. If you grab the arm of an elderly woman to help her board the bus and she scowls and growls "Thank you," are you to assume that you were indeed being helpful or that you invaded her space?When you're arguing with your spouse and you say, "I didn't say you were lazy!", you're technically right if you didn't say those actual words. But your spouse likely interpreted your tone, emotion, and indirect meaning to come to his own conclusion. And if your body language is saying something different than your actual words, he's more likely to believe your nonverbal signals. You can see how complicated and painful these misinterpretations and miscommunications can become. I remember when I was a kid riding the bus to school, some of my friends said that I seemed "stuck up" and "snotty" because I always rode in my seat with my nose in the air. You can imagine how hurtful this was to a shy girl who was just trying to see over the tall seat in front of her!
Assess the Functions of
Nonverbal Communication
The functions of nonverbal communication are to either compliment or oppose the verbal message, or to send a message without words. However, it is very clear to me that many people do not know how their body language in communication appears to others or how others interpret it. This is a key bit of self-awareness that everyone could benefit from!
If you'd like to get a good honest look at how you appear to other people, ask your close, dear, truthful friends to tell you. What did they think about you when they first met you? Is the function of your nonverbal communication as you think it is? How do they see other people respond to you? I use a great First Impression Assessment with clients to help them increase their personal awareness. It's a step-by-step method to better understand how you come across to others so you can work on changing the things that aren't working in your favor. Getting an honest evaluation from people you trust can be a very eye-opening experience that may lead you to more effective body language in communication!
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