Living in a Blended FamilyWow! A blended family can be so interesting! What with step-children, step-parents, new babies, ex-spouses, extended family, holidays—-whew! And, given that an untraditional family was never in your original family daydreams, you may still find yourself shocked to be heading one!Obviously, while blended families can be wonderful and loving, there may be times when you find yourself throwing your hands in the air and wondering: "Which way do I go now?!"
 As the mom in a blended family, you often have an especially difficult role. You may be caring for children that are not biologically yours. You may worry over the amount of parental attention given to each child. You may have difficulty dealing with your husband's ex-wife. You may be struggling to define your role with kids that resent, ignore, or defy you. I know this sounds worn out and cliché, but the best ways to bring a family together, especially a blended family, are good communication and unity with your spouse. Now, communicating well doesn't mean that everyone ends up feeling happy and satisfied! But it does mean that people feel heard, respected, and valued. When children enter into a new family situation, it is not by their choice. And neither was whatever separated their parents to begin with. So by encouraging and modeling good communication habits, you can help your whole family to heal from past wounds, adjust to a new reality, and grow closer together. It is essential, especially in blended families, for the parents to present a unified front. Why? How does it feel when someone close to you doesn't back you up when you need it? When you just need a sign of solidarity to get through a difficult situation but no one is there for you? It feels isolating and can cause resentment and self-protective behaviors to build up. And that's just the hurt it can cause the marriage! Kids can be like sharks when they smell blood in the water. It doesn't take much for a child to realize the adults in the house aren't supporting each other and to take advantage of that situation. And that of course leads to more problems, within the family and between the parents.
|
If your blended family is struggling with some difficult times right now, have a talk with your spouse. Talk about your family's communication patterns and your parental unity. See if you can identify some of the core issues and create a plan of action.
